I'm not sure when you will have the opportunity to read this, but someday I hope you will.
As I watch you sitting on the carpet, playing with the pillows, rolling over and striving to reach your toes to suck on, I feel a rush of pride and pure unequivocal love. You look so much like your handsome father, but your eyes are just like mine. You have the sweetest disposition and yet you manage to be the best chick magnet on the street (according to your cheeky dad). I laugh at the way you giggle when I throw you in the air and bite your tummy, and I think your curly afro will put Lenny Kravitz to shame( I'll tell you who he is later...).You are a perfectly formed pearl, a lustrous diamond, a faraway star; with the longest, sultry eyelashes and a heart shaped mouth full of laughter and curiousity.
I think to the future every day of the present. I wonder what you will be like, whether you will like football, hip hop, politics or whether you will be a stroppy teenager telling me that I am embarrassing you at every opportunity. Maybe you will be strong and powerful like your dad, or outgoing and loving like me. I can't help but know that I will cry on your first day of school, when you lose your first tooth and pretty much anything remotely sentimental. I know that your first birthday will be a milestone for both of us. A milestone where I hope that you have never been sick, and that you have never bumped your head too hard or where you may be walking and maybe even saying your first word ("say mama....MA MA"). It will also be a milestone to celebrate the best year of my life so far.
You have opened so many doors for me in the last 6 months. I have seen myself grow every single day, developing my own strength, maturity and passion for life. Everyone calls me yummy mummy, but that can only be true because I am your mummy. I love your father even more because of you, when I never thought it would be possible that I could love him more. You have been by my side, in my bed, in my arms and in my thoughts for every second since I conceived you out of total pure love. You made me laugh and cry the second they put you on my stomach, and I have felt the full range of human emotion in the 6 months since that day.
I love your little pout, and your giant squeal. I can't get enough of your dimpled smile and your tiny feet. I have redeveloped my interest in fashion, music and life because of you and I have made so many new friends who love me because of our shared experience of you.
My love for you is complete. I don't want anything from you, except that you are successful, smart and grounded. I want the best in life for you, the ability to travel, appreciate the finer things in life, but also understand where you have come from. I think you are so pure at this point in time, and I almost want to press pause so I can love your uncorrupted, tiny self a little longer.
I fear the day you bring home a beautiful young thing who has taken your attention, and I will no longer be the leading lady in your life. I will understand that day how my father felt when I brought home your daddy. A mix of pride, worry, love and a desperate sense of time moving on. I hope she will love you as much as I do (...and I will break her front teeth if she hurts you).
You are perfect. You might hurt my feelings sometime in the future, you might not understand everything I say, but I want you to be able to look back at this love letter and know that you are mine and I'll always be yours. I only hope that you feel as much happiness and love in your life as you have given me. I'll always stay close for you, just in case you need me.
Your loving mama (aged 27 and you aged 6 months)
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